Have you ever noticed how, when asked “How are you?”, many people respond by sharing their latest family troubles, health complaints, or stressful work situations?
Why is our focus so often on the negative?
According to neuroscience, the oldest part of our brain—the brain stem—hasn’t changed for thousands of years. Its primary job? Detect danger. In early human history, threats were everywhere: wild animals, violent weather, unfriendly tribes. So the brain developed a radar-like function—constantly scanning for what might go wrong, to keep us safe.
That function still runs the show today. The difference is: most of us aren’t in physical danger anymore. Yet our thoughts—about life, people, jobs, or relationships—often still begin slightly negative. And once the brain picks up on that negativity, it begins scanning for more proof, reinforcing the perception.
A Familiar Example
Imagine going to a restaurant:
It’s a bit too warm—so you’re already a little irritated.
The waitress mishears your order—your mood dips further.
The food is too spicy, the wine isn’t great, and the table next to you is loud.
Then, a call comes in: your child has a fever – the evening feels ruined.
Were these frustrations real? Absolutely.
But here’s the question: What did you focus on? What would be a positive view?
Maybe your partner left work early to join you. Maybe it was rare time spent with friends. Maybe someone trustworthy was watching your child and cared enough to call.
The brain focuses on danger and discomfort because it’s wired that way. But we can shift our attention intentionally—and doing so consistently can change how we experience life.
Nobody Makes You Feel Anything
We often say :’You made me angry.’
‘This job is making me anxious.’
But here’s the truth: Nobody can make you feel anything without your participation. Your thoughts create your emotions, and emotions guide your behaviour.
Those thoughts are often shaped by old perceptions and early life experiences—and they play like background music, subtly directing your reactions. But if thought is the first link in the chain, then changing the thought is where true change begins.
How to Interrupt the Pattern: Try the 5-Sentence Method
Ask yourself: ‘How would my life look if it were truly great?’
Notice how your brain may instantly respond with:
‘No more back pain. No debt. Not overweight. No panic attacks.’
This is the brain’s default mode—focusing on what’s wrong. But here’s the kicker: the brain doesn’t process negation.
Try this: ‘Don’t think of an elephant in a car.’
You just did, didn’t you?
That’s because the brain must first imagine the concept in order to reject it. So, when you think ‘debt-free’ or ‘pain-free,’ your brain pictures debt and pain—reinforcing exactly what you don’t want.
How to Outsmart the Brain
Write down five sentences that reflect your desired reality. But follow these rules:
Present tense (not ‘I will…’)
Positive language only (no ‘free from…’ or ‘not…’)
Realistic and within your control (not ‘my doctor finds a cure…’)
Example:
‘I feel strong and full of energy.’
‘I manage my finances with confidence.’
‘I eat nourishing foods that support my wellbeing.’
‘I wake up refreshed and ready for the day.’
‘I enjoy calm and clarity in my daily life.’
Next:
Read them out loud—five times, every morning and evening.
Focus on their meaning and let them sink into your system.
At first, this will feel unfamiliar—even difficult. But over time, your brain’s neural pathways begin to change. You’ll notice new patterns of thought emerging.
